had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
