Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
