i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to make out with him forever
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
