I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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