We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
