A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
