Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
