Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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