Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
