The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
