his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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