You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
