The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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