i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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