I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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