ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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