Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
