I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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