is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
