You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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