somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
