So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
