:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
