Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize