in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
