dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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