textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
