What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
