That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
