Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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