im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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