also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
