Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
