I wish my penis had an off switch
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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