What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
