Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
