3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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