nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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