I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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