This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
