she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize