Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
