It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
