i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
