this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
