lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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