and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize