Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
