margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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