I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
