My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
