By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
