im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
