I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Welp...herpes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize