Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
