We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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