New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
