I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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