you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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