I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
