I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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