What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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