When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
