look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
