This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
