winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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