Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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