I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
