you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
