I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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