forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
