Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
