We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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