How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
