her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
