Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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