he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
