You don't have asthma, your pregnant
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
