apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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