Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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