I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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