I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
