We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
