So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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