shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
