he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
