honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
