Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
