Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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