I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
