my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We named our party play list daddy issues
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
