At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
