she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
