Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
