I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
