It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
