Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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