He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
