I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize